Niche Clarity Program

Career Article

Your Picture of Success

I'm sure you've heard that the best way to achieve something is to have a clear understanding of your goal. The more detailed your picture or statement, the more likely you are to reach your desired milestone.

Most of the people I work with want to succeed in a career that is more fulfilling and meaningful than what they have now. In addition they want to be happy and live a good life. Of course each person has their own take on how they envision this goal.

As we discuss their vision of success and as I listen to them talk about their worries and concerns, I often notice they have conflicting definitions of success simultaneously running around in their minds. Their internal conflict creates confusion and turmoil as they try to make progress toward a goal that's at cross purposes with itself.

At one level they know what they want. In fact, they articulate it in our first session together. At another level it's clear something else is going on. One way I've found to decipher the puzzle is to ask my clients to answer a couple of questions about how they see success.

Four Questions About Success

See what you come up with as you answer the following questions. I encourage you to write down your answers so you can review what you've written.

1. From your perspective, what is society's picture of success?
   
2. What was your parent's definition of success for themselves? (You may have a different answer for your mother and father so write down both.)
   
3. What was your parent's definition of success for you? Again, the messages - stated or inferred - may be different for each parent.
   
4. What's your definition of success for yourself?

Once you've written down your answers to these questions, read your responses again. What do you notice?

How to Make Sense of Your Answers

Keeping your responses in mind, look at the questions below to understand what you are learning about yourself.

1. Is your definition of success the same as or different from:
   
   -- Your parent's picture for your success?
   -- Your parent's sense of success for themselves?
   -- Society's definition of success?
   
2. If it's the same, how does that sit with you? If it's different, how do you feel about that?
   
3. Think about your life--how much do these other definitions of success impact how you think about your life and the actions you take in life?
   
   -- Are you troubled or worried about not living up to someone else's definition of success?
   -- Do you worry about what others think of your choices and decisions?
   -- Do you feel supported by the other definitions of success?
   -- Do you see elements of success within yourself that are in conflict?
   
4. Do you believe you deserve to reach and live your picture of success?
   
   -- If not, what's standing in your way?
   -- Is so, what's your next step?
   
5. If you've been living under someone else's definition, can you revise your own definition of success in any way so that it more truly reflects who you are and what you stand for?

What to Do Next

There are numerous ways these messages can weave their way into your thoughts and actions. Growing up in your parent's household meant that these messages surrounded you day in and day out for most of your youth. At first it's hard to see the impact these definitions have on you today, but once you start to see them, you begin to notice how they (or your rebellion to them) are entwined in your thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

As you become aware, be conscious about uprooting the outdated ideas and nurturing the ideas you want to live by. Over time you peel away the old conflicting messages which gives you more energy to create the life you dream of.

Depending on your situation, you may not be able to turn this around in one sitting, but sometimes a very small insight can be the thread that begins to unravel a whole puzzle. If you need help understanding your definitions of success contact me or one of the Career Clarity Coaches or Purpose Clarity Coaches to identify where you are stuck.

The Rest of the Book Story:
...all because I made a phone call

One day in October I called to order another box of my Dummies book. On a whim I asked the customer service rep who my editor was (my original editor left the company before I finished the first book and the original publisher was bought out by another company.) To my surprise the area code told me my editor worked where my brother lived. An even bigger coincidence was that I was leaving the very next day to visit my brother. I immediately called and left her a message that I would be in town. It turned out her office was a 15-minute drive from my brother's house.

My editor and I ended up meeting for lunch--a treat for both of us. Due to the nature of the publishing industry, editors and authors rarely have an opportunity to meet--everything is done via email and phone calls.

During lunch we covered a lot of ground. We talked about how the first book fared when it was released three weeks before 9/11 and during the buyout of the original publisher by Wiley. Dark times to say the least.

As we talked we realized the book still had meaning and strong content. During the drive back to the office she told me she'd include the book on the strategic publishing plan she needed to present to her manager by the end of business that day! One more indication of amazing timing.

At first I didn't hear back from her. I called each month just to check in. I knew from talking with her that she was interested, but there was no way to know her timing. Then on Dec 21st, two days after my December check in call, I received an email from her saying she was interested in seeing a fully revised Table of Contents...by early January. Could I do that? Of course I could. I ended up working on it between the holidays and submitted it to her on January 3rd. Later, at her request, I prepared a sample chapter. My idea and materials were approved by the various committees in late January and then the contract negotiations began.

Each week I thought I'd have a contract by the next week, so I held off writing any newsletters. The process took far longer than I anticipated, so I apologize for the delay in sending out this newsletter.

I am truly honored to have the opportunity to revise and re-launch this book that has the potential to help so many people feel more engaged and fulfilled by their work. I'm looking forward to the writing process and being able to incorporate what I've learned over the last few years while coaching clients through the Career Clarity Program.

As I reflect on this sequence of events, I realized a couple of things:

1. If I hadn't asked the customer service rep for my editor's name and number, I would not be writing this book.
   
2. If I hadn't been in town or if I hadn't called to say I was in town, I wouldn't be writing this book. (Editors are very busy and rarely, if ever, have the time for an extended conversation about a book. In fact all my interactions with my editor
   since then have been short---5-10 minutes max!)
   
3. If I didn't have an articulate way to explain - on the spot, with no preparation - the value of the book and its audience and to explain the impact the timing of the original launch had, I would not be writing this book.

My original reason for asking for her number had nothing to do with trying to get a new book deal. But by staying in the moment, paying attention to and reading the cues of the situation, I stepped into a golden opportunity!

I tell you this story to remind YOU that making a call, asking the right questions, and putting yourself in front of decision makers can open the door to results that are even bigger than you can envision for yourself. When you think "I should call so and so, make the call! Who knows what opportunities you will uncover.

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